Tuesdays with Morrie written by Mitch Albom
My actions
1. Recognise societal expectations and plan for my own life
Many Asian parents, under societal expectations, begin expecting their children to live their lives in certain ways from early childhood. However, this approach may undermine many individuals’ potentials to live their lives to the fullest. In Asian culture, children are often expected to have good academic performance, attend prestigious universities, and secure positions in prominent companies. Parents frequently aspire for their children to enter medical or law school to become doctors or lawyers. If their children struggle academically, parents are likely to arrange blind dates with individuals working in professions such as medicine, law, engineering, or other high-income jobs. Once their children get married, parents would expect to be grandparents. These expectations may sound familiar if you’re from Asia, and there are countless examples of parental and societal pressures.
Frankly, if every child were to live their lives simply by following societal expectations, the world would be incredibly dull. Moreover, many children may suffer emotionally if they try to obey their parents but fail to meet expectations, especially when dealing with strict parents. What’s the point of living a life dictated solely by societal expectations or enduring the emotional strain of not meeting them?
As I grew up, I encountered numerous parental and societal expectations, as mentioned above. Fortunately, I began questioning many of them during my teenage years. Rather than dedicating excessive energy to preparing for major exams at ages 15 and 18, I started to challenge these societal norms internally. Despite my initial reluctance to comply with these norms, I managed to complete high school and university and secured a job with a stable income as a new graduate at age 22. Looking back, I am grateful that I allowed myself the freedom to contemplate and explore during my school years, even if my approach was somewhat immature.
Moving forward, I continue to contemplate and plan my life, striving to live intentionally rather than passively. In my culture, people often encourage marrying and having children at a certain age, but I choose not to adhere to these expectations. Instead, I seize opportunities to experience diverse lifestyles and career paths by studying abroad, working internationally, and resigning from previous full-time positions. I have the courage to purse these paths because I am mindful of the resources at my disposal and my personal limits.
Planning my own life remains challenging, as there is no definitive roadmap to follow. It is certainly easier to conform to societal expectations, but living a life of design, rather than default, requires deliberate thought and action.
2. Embrace life: Cherishing each moment
When it comes to embracing life’s moments, it’s easier said than done, especially when dealing with difficult situations. There are always both ups and downs in life. Likewise, people will experience both positive and negative emotions. Having only positive emotions like happiness is impossible, and life can be meaningless without challenges and difficulties. Many people find it difficult to accept this and might think it’s better to avoid the negatives in life. However, the more they deny the negative aspects in life, the more they might suffer. They are also likely to push themselves away, not allowing themselves to fully accept who they are. Take me, for example. I was so excited when I received the offer for a full-time position 2 years ago. HR acknowledged my previous years of service, hired me as a senior staff member, and offered me a fairer pay rate compared to my previous full-time position. However, over time, I had to admit that I couldn’t tolerate the heavy emotional burden from work, whether from the deaths of young patients or the occasional toxic working atmosphere. In addition, I was somewhat geographically isolated from close friends, as the workplace was around 400 km from Sydney, Australia, making it more than a 5-hour drive to visit a friend. It took me nearly a year to face my true feelings about these situations and gather the courage to give up a job I had once consider a dream. After thorough consideration, I decided to leave and move somewhere more accessible for visiting close friends.
It was difficult for me to say goodbye to many colleagues, including the manager, as leaving was painful. To maintain good mental health, at the beginning of this year, I left the workplace with complicated feelings and emotions that I didn’t share with others. Life is still challenging now, especially as I wait for a nursing contract as an agency nurse. However, I began reflecting on these situations and events and became grateful for the opportunities they provided. The numerous negative emotions I experienced over these years reminded me of my limits and opened my eyes to other possibilities in life. After changing my perspective, my anxious mind became quieter, and I became more open-minded toward life’s challenges. Changing my attitudes toward things has been key to helping me embrace my life and cherish every moment. Without the downsides in my life, I couldn’t fully experience life, and my life would not be complete.
